Sorry, I’m not here right now…

I know I use to be here all the time
but can’t you see things change?
I don’t have time for this silly place
where the drama’s all the same.

It’s not that I don’t like going out.
and I know I don’t have to leave
to be here with all you people
but it’s my life that’s calling me.

Yes, things are different now.
Work, work, work, no time to play
or catch my breath or think a complete thought
I’ve so little time at the end of a day.

The precious time I want for my own
to unravel my mind, and be nowhere in space
to listen to Mozart drinking port in the library
and not staring at this Interweb place.

I want to be home where I bake and I sleep
where alone I rest and become myself
not dining or having coffee with others
and putting my soul upon the shelf.

Lurkers

People are never as you hope
They would be
Lurkers in your life
Never really participating
Logging in only long enough
So they don’t get dropped
From the membership roll.

Pick and Choose Inspirations

Speaking, I hear your voice
Wish you were here, maybe this year
A phase I tried to believe
The distance moves forward
My mind gathers you like garden herbs
You call this work
Tearing down my defenses
You should have tried building them
Better plans have failed
But do you think of me
Is it unfair to ask your future
Maybe this year
I hate long goodbyes
Please someone decide.

edit: I see there is nothing to decide.
Goodbye

Feet

Toes dip in the water begging for the waves to notice
Dip, pull back and dip again
Sitting on the shore
Always watching, always there
Nervous toes and waves that come and go away again

Frustration
Feet jumping up and down on the wet sand
“I’m here, I’m here!” they yell in silence
Waiting for the waves to notice and maybe stay
But not so much that they’ll drown

Valentine’s Day 2007

VALENTINES are for other people.
They’ve never been for me.
Not that I wouldn’t like them.
But no one really means them anyway.
So what’s the point.

I’m glad it’s going to snow tomorrow.
I hope it really blizzards.
The softly falling flakes
Will be sweeter than any candy
And snow won’t break your heart.

The Wabi-Sabi of Me

Look into uneven eyes and see star shine and melting glaciers.
See a wild mane of lion’s hair and find stalks of wheat in the harvest sun.
Gaze upon topographic landscapes of flesh and bone and see the goddess soul inside.
Capture a battered, broken heart and treat it like golden perfection, a thing admired.
Discover imperfections of existence and decide that flaws balance with strengths and together shall be whole.

Death Quote

At least once you die, there is no one to tell you you are ugly, no one to say you’re fat, hairy or look like crap. Of course even if they did, you wouldn’t be there to listen.

Hiding

Curled in the grass
Where no one can see
Hiding a heart
Even from me

There’s been too much heartache
For one girl to bare
So she keeps to herself
Reluctant to share

Fear of reaching out
Only getting slapped back
Or tormented and tortured
Her courage is lack

To open her heart
Only to be turned away
Or to get that heart broken
She knows that it may

So she’ll stay hidden
Being in love she will miss
And long for the memory
Of one more deep kiss

I Can’t Love You

I can’t love you because I’m broken.
I can’t love you because I’ve been hurt.
I can’t love you because I’m afraid.
I can’t love you because you’ll break my heart.

I can’t love you because I don’t want to be rejected.
I can’t love you because you don’t want me.
I can’t love you because I love you.
I can’t love you because it tears me apart.

Untitled

Voice of a dreamer
The chill of the night
Mirrors of strangers
Reflect all the light

Look at the vision
Of the unknown face
Loneliness and heartache
Drift off into space

Ageless songs
From across the sea
Turn tides and desires
But never for me

Forgotten and buried
Invisible in sight
In front of your face
And hidden by fright

Ghostly whispers
And heart beats despair
Wishes and horses
Are lost in thin air