Valentine’s Day 2007

VALENTINES are for other people.
They’ve never been for me.
Not that I wouldn’t like them.
But no one really means them anyway.
So what’s the point.

I’m glad it’s going to snow tomorrow.
I hope it really blizzards.
The softly falling flakes
Will be sweeter than any candy
And snow won’t break your heart.

The Wabi-Sabi of Me

Look into uneven eyes and see star shine and melting glaciers.
See a wild mane of lion’s hair and find stalks of wheat in the harvest sun.
Gaze upon topographic landscapes of flesh and bone and see the goddess soul inside.
Capture a battered, broken heart and treat it like golden perfection, a thing admired.
Discover imperfections of existence and decide that flaws balance with strengths and together shall be whole.

Hiding

Curled in the grass
Where no one can see
Hiding a heart
Even from me

There’s been too much heartache
For one girl to bare
So she keeps to herself
Reluctant to share

Fear of reaching out
Only getting slapped back
Or tormented and tortured
Her courage is lack

To open her heart
Only to be turned away
Or to get that heart broken
She knows that it may

So she’ll stay hidden
Being in love she will miss
And long for the memory
Of one more deep kiss

I Can’t Love You

I can’t love you because I’m broken.
I can’t love you because I’ve been hurt.
I can’t love you because I’m afraid.
I can’t love you because you’ll break my heart.

I can’t love you because I don’t want to be rejected.
I can’t love you because you don’t want me.
I can’t love you because I love you.
I can’t love you because it tears me apart.

only one?

Is there really only one
to think I’m pretty
and shine like the sun?

Is there no one else who’ll see
the beauty and love
that lies within me?

Is there someone out there
Who will love me as I would them
And will really care?

Cursed

It’s cold and lonely in the shadow cast by your back turned to me.
No one to talk to and no comfort to be found.
Where does the left half turn when the right half is missing?
The emptiness of my soul echos every little sound.

I don’t believe in the sun, for all I see is now dark.
No moon or stars to guide or sun to help me bloom and grow.
My source of strength has left me and the joy’s gone away.
And if it shall ever return only time shall know.

Minds are churning in the heavy storm of change, unprepared
This sharp tongue of pain and fear I would reverse.
Would warmth of blood spilled melt thy heart turned cold?
And offer amnesty and forgiveness for the cursed.

Beginnings and Endings

Beginnings and endings
They all have a start
Whispers and daydreams
They come from the heart

When will I find mine?
A muse will you send
To lead me to splendor
And this heart to mend

Whispers and daydreams
What do they know?
They disappear with the sunset
Leaving nothing to show

There are no beginnings
But endings to spare
Happy is fleeting
And love is still rare.

Firestarter

Playing not with fire
for I have felt the heat before
leaving scars like cigarette burns
up and down my arms
and into my soul.

Look not into the eye
of the flame that bears temptation
when embers glow inside
and the slightest spark
would cause a deadly fall.

Keep arms and hearts inside
the ride at all times or risk destruction
because nothing melts the soul
and resolution to protect
like the gaze of the Firestarter.

Undescribable

Arms and legs entwined in embrace
as my head rests on her shoulder with all
the caresses of comfort, tenderness and grace.

Feelings of puppies and warm woolen fluff,
like childhood memories before the great fall,
however long I cling to her, it seems not enough.

A part scarce, known to be missing, something I lacked
had been remembered and didn’t want to let go of
the touch that was missed, filling a soul that long had been cracked.

I find myself bared open to all that I’ve hid
fighting cravings to show and feel all the love
I have for people I adore in this life but this pain I have to forbid.

And so here I sit in the tempest and turmoil
holding on to the lifeboats, spitting out sands
ready for the shoe to drop and standing watch like a gargoyle.

Guardians of stone daring not to come to life and flee
as I still need their walls and the holding of their hands
I fear I’ll never have the luxury of freedom to love and fully be me.

Tears In My Garden

Hope and my heart lay in broken pieces on the ground

Tears and blood, from the hole in my soul, splatter amongst the shards

Wet trails pour from my fingertips like rain

I raise my face to the heavens and wonder what happened

They say that nothing is worth dying for

What is one to do when there is nothing worth living for?

The world turns in its cruel dance unknowing, uncaring, oblivious

To the love of those watching over it

Why step softly on the grass, nurturing, empathizing, waiting patiently

Hoping one day for that lush Garden of Eden

When the vines only end up choking the life out of you

And another claims what you hoped for your own

Should I have screamed and ran and trampled on the tender shoots?

Would that have saved my soul?

Patience and love are my way and I cannot change that

I thought I was right but even you have forsaken me.